And so he calls me at some time after 5 in the morning after he apparently came back from wherever he was. I had given him a call around 2 before I went off to sleep. Till before that his phone was switched off and so couldn’t get through to him. Thus when I did get through he sounded very busy with a lot of people around him. And as expected he said he was busy and asked me to go ahead and sleep, he will come back and give me a call.
So when he finally called it was quite late, rather early morning as I have mentioned before. I was obviously groggy but then it is the only few moments in the day when I get to speak to him, when he is only with me and no one else around. I really hold on to these moments; I look forward to them. For after this, he will sleep for the whole day and wake up only in the afternoon. There is no point calling him before that because he hardly remembers anything that we say to each other at that time. So I let him be and wait for his call whenever he wakes. Sometimes I try to wake him but they are quite frustrating experiences and my insistence on making him wake up has only resulted in my getting hurt. Not that he does that intentionally I am sure, but then...
Neethu was already up because she had to get ready to go for that conference that she has been running around for, for the last two days. But then I also didn’t want her to see me talking to someone at this time of the morning which everybody knows is the wrong time to call me. But then this is the only time that I manage to talk to him, and of course, he is beyond all excuses for me.
His balance did not last long and I called and told him that I would call him after Neethu left. Then I realized she had gone to take a bath and figured that she would take sometime. I myself did not have much balance and called him nonetheless. All we managed to talk was for another eleven minutes out of which there was indeed hardly any concrete conversation of the types I had talked about. Of course, it was not the hour to have such conversations but then I am ready to have them at that hour because I hardly get the opportunity to spend much time with him during the rest of the day.
Unless I make a scene, unless I pull in a fight and express the fact that I am all upset he goes on in the same way. Like yesterday, he called me in the evening while on his way to wherever he was going. He acted all normal as if nothing in the world was wrong even until a few hours back. And I, when I saw that he was trying to be normal, did not have the heart to express how hurt I was for the incident in the morning (He had fallen asleep even after I told him that I fell down after my head started swimming around. All he did was inquire whether or not I am putting dettol in the area on my arm where i grazed myself against the wall).
I felt a sudden emptiness as I always feel whenever I get over a call with him. I wonder sometimes does he miss me as much as I do? If he does, what’s wrong in expressing that? Is it just that he is a guy that he cannot express the fact that he missed me so much. He just says he misses me but then he never seems as restless as me to talk to me, to spend time with me. It was only during those early days when there was just this tension and neither of us (or at least I) had not committed ourselves to each other. I used to see how he would wait on each word I say or typed. But then all that seems to be gone now. I miss those days, when it was still in its juvenile stage. Of course, being in this relationship has definitely given me a lot of things, despite the heartbreak that we are both being made to go through. But still I would give anything to get those days back.
So when he finally called it was quite late, rather early morning as I have mentioned before. I was obviously groggy but then it is the only few moments in the day when I get to speak to him, when he is only with me and no one else around. I really hold on to these moments; I look forward to them. For after this, he will sleep for the whole day and wake up only in the afternoon. There is no point calling him before that because he hardly remembers anything that we say to each other at that time. So I let him be and wait for his call whenever he wakes. Sometimes I try to wake him but they are quite frustrating experiences and my insistence on making him wake up has only resulted in my getting hurt. Not that he does that intentionally I am sure, but then...
Neethu was already up because she had to get ready to go for that conference that she has been running around for, for the last two days. But then I also didn’t want her to see me talking to someone at this time of the morning which everybody knows is the wrong time to call me. But then this is the only time that I manage to talk to him, and of course, he is beyond all excuses for me.
His balance did not last long and I called and told him that I would call him after Neethu left. Then I realized she had gone to take a bath and figured that she would take sometime. I myself did not have much balance and called him nonetheless. All we managed to talk was for another eleven minutes out of which there was indeed hardly any concrete conversation of the types I had talked about. Of course, it was not the hour to have such conversations but then I am ready to have them at that hour because I hardly get the opportunity to spend much time with him during the rest of the day.
Unless I make a scene, unless I pull in a fight and express the fact that I am all upset he goes on in the same way. Like yesterday, he called me in the evening while on his way to wherever he was going. He acted all normal as if nothing in the world was wrong even until a few hours back. And I, when I saw that he was trying to be normal, did not have the heart to express how hurt I was for the incident in the morning (He had fallen asleep even after I told him that I fell down after my head started swimming around. All he did was inquire whether or not I am putting dettol in the area on my arm where i grazed myself against the wall).
I felt a sudden emptiness as I always feel whenever I get over a call with him. I wonder sometimes does he miss me as much as I do? If he does, what’s wrong in expressing that? Is it just that he is a guy that he cannot express the fact that he missed me so much. He just says he misses me but then he never seems as restless as me to talk to me, to spend time with me. It was only during those early days when there was just this tension and neither of us (or at least I) had not committed ourselves to each other. I used to see how he would wait on each word I say or typed. But then all that seems to be gone now. I miss those days, when it was still in its juvenile stage. Of course, being in this relationship has definitely given me a lot of things, despite the heartbreak that we are both being made to go through. But still I would give anything to get those days back.
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