This is one of the many things I have been scribbling down... I thought I might as well save it for posterity on the web. Not going to show it to anyone but would let people stumble upon it if they are fated to.
Entry for some date at 8:00 pm:
There are things in my mind, swirling inside my head like a whirligig. As Safa said, these thoughts of today might be fodder for tomorrow's hearty laughter - may be which is all the more why I am writing this down. After all, who doesn't like going back in time and looking at things from a larger point of view.
But no matter what, the laughter must happen!
And so I think I have finally grown up - an idea or thought that D hates.
Now let me update you readers, after my abysmal mutual separation from my ex I have indeed managed to move on, having been given to harbour a ray of hope for the future in an individual I never thought I will ever indeed come across. I am happy and I intend to make him as much happy.
Ma thinks I have grown up and the fact that I have found a boy friend for myself (which I will find out the harder way that for her, it wasn't a boy friend that I found but a suitable person I am willing to get married to) is enough for her to start building castles. Built in air or not, the construction work of that castle itself is wearing me off and I am worried whether I will actually be able to survive to enjoy the fruits of that labour. I haven't been able to quite say this but Safa. Far as she might be , she is right now my biggest mental strength and support - there is understanding without being judged and there is some very well though advice and opinions.
D is stressed out with his own classes, JRF not getting officially declared, work politics - things which affect me too at the end of the day. He wants to share and listen too - but then at the end of the day he too feels grateful that I have Safa to pour my heart out to. His levels of tolerance are hitting rock bottom - and he is trying to run away from the banalities, the flak of domesticity - while I am forced into it more than I want to be. We fear it will change the dynamics of our relationship and right now our only fight is to defend our relationship from that.
8:45
Who wants to be bound by domesticity or burdened by banalities. But as I have told D, they are a truth of life that is impossible to block out.. Reaching out then becomes an exercise in futility...
