Things are strained. There is a lot of pressure for reasons not of or own, but rather because we are trying to oblige too much and too many. It is probably more due to me because I never spoke out and stood for myself. I feel I am such a loser and spineless at times. Is it because things have come easy to me in life? Or is it that I made them come easily by complying, obliging and giving in to everything that they said - what I must do and how must I be like.
Long time ago, Ma had said that I try to make everyone happy. It will only make me unhappy because it is impossible to make everyone around you happy. But even if I pick and choose my way, I am right now standing at one of the toughest crossroads life can throw at you.
I am to make a choice between them who have been everything to me my whole life and the person with whom I am ready to vow to spend the rest of my life. One defines my past, while the other promises of a future and I am stuck in the present.
But the present hurts so much! It tears me into innumerable pieces. I am being pulled on all sides by different forces, none of whom are trying to understand the predicament I am in.
As I lie in bed - on my stomach - it is early morning. My eyes burn due to lack of sleep. My head keeps saying that it is not happy with me. That is the irony of my life right now - no one is happy with me - at least not the ones I care so much about.
I rest my head on the crook of my arm - the cold air from the fan playing havoc with my recently washed hair. I am taken back to another day - when I am sitting with him in a tram through one of the busiest routes of the city. A similar gust of wind come and paste the loose strands of hair across my face - and he tells me how he imagined this very scene and described it in his class while teaching Bazin.
One is immediately made to realise how little of that affection remains. The strain is killing off all that (magic?). One craves for that call of endearment - haven't heard it for quite some while. And then he says it as I tearfully make my plea for not calling it all off. And then there is this sudden feeling of peace that one is awashed with.
Long time ago, Ma had said that I try to make everyone happy. It will only make me unhappy because it is impossible to make everyone around you happy. But even if I pick and choose my way, I am right now standing at one of the toughest crossroads life can throw at you.
I am to make a choice between them who have been everything to me my whole life and the person with whom I am ready to vow to spend the rest of my life. One defines my past, while the other promises of a future and I am stuck in the present.
But the present hurts so much! It tears me into innumerable pieces. I am being pulled on all sides by different forces, none of whom are trying to understand the predicament I am in.
As I lie in bed - on my stomach - it is early morning. My eyes burn due to lack of sleep. My head keeps saying that it is not happy with me. That is the irony of my life right now - no one is happy with me - at least not the ones I care so much about.
I rest my head on the crook of my arm - the cold air from the fan playing havoc with my recently washed hair. I am taken back to another day - when I am sitting with him in a tram through one of the busiest routes of the city. A similar gust of wind come and paste the loose strands of hair across my face - and he tells me how he imagined this very scene and described it in his class while teaching Bazin.
One is immediately made to realise how little of that affection remains. The strain is killing off all that (magic?). One craves for that call of endearment - haven't heard it for quite some while. And then he says it as I tearfully make my plea for not calling it all off. And then there is this sudden feeling of peace that one is awashed with.
